In a recent survey concerning Indian moms, it was revealed that parents of teens required help raising them, second only to parents of toddlers. Just when you think that things get easier as they grow up, reality hits you hard with the tweens and teens phase.
But jokes apart, we need to give it to the kids too. It is not easy being a child, let alone being a teen, in today’s hyper-competitive and judgmental world. With bullies and trolls at every corner and turn, and the pressures of being successful at an early age, your teen is realising how challenging life can be. And they need you ALONGSIDE them, not AGAINST.
As a parent of two, a teen and a tween, Mansi Zaveri, CEO and Founder, Kidsstoppress.com shares some pointers she reminds herself daily, that help her to be a better parent and a friend to Gen Z and Gen Alpha.
Define your family’s core
You need to be a parent in their initial years. Then a mentor and guide, and turn into their friend as they grow older, they say. And I do believe in this. But at the same time, define your core values right from a young age. Like Andre Agassi once mentioned, “Rules without relationships equals rebellion.” Define your family’s non-negotiables and stick by them, so your children are clear on that too.
Accept that times have changed
You can’t parent your teens the way you were raised 30 years ago, because let’s admit, the world isn’t the same as it was 30 years ago. We didn’t have the pressures of online classes, creating a stand out social profile, balancing the physical and digital world, not to mention the competition in every field. Use new techniques to parent them better rather than sticking by old rules for a world that doesn’t exist.
Remember it’s not a game of control or authority
Today, there are so parenting styles – tiger parenting, freeway parenting, snow plough parenting and helicopter parenting. But, whatever be your style, remember there is no power to exercise over your kids, and this is not a “tu tu mein mein” contest with them. The old-style of “toeing the line” or “dancing to your tunes” attitude won’t work with Gen Z. Accept and treat them as individuals. with opinions and respect.
Don’t dismiss their feelings
It is not easy being a parent in today’s challenging times. You know what is tougher? Being a child who expects parents to be ‘perfect’ in challenging times like now. Accept your child’s feelings and hear them out. Dismissing it at the outset or telling them they are wrong, might be the right thing in your mind, but get your teen’s perspective too. You want to be the parent who they run towards when in trouble, not away from.
Keep the doors of communication open:
The family that spends time together stays together. Carve out some time of the day that is non-negotiable for you and the kids. No phones, no calls. Spend 15-20 minutes catching up on each other’s day. Don’t prod them, but hear them out. Talk to them about your troubles and ask them for help. You will be surprised with how amazing their solutions work out at times. My teen daughter has been a pillar of support in what I do, be it setting up the light and sound before I go live, or helping me prepare before I shoot a podcast. Also, showing them you are vulnerable and open to feedback, makes you more relatable to you. No one wants to be that perfect parent, who children put on a pedestal, far away, right?
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Respect their space
As mentioned earlier, understand that times have changed now. Your call for privacy 30 years back, might not have gone too well with your parents. But don’t make that mistake. Give them space when they need it, and don’t hover over them or bubble-wrap them fearing they will fail. Let them fail. Let them fall down. They will then realise the value of the success when they get it eventually.
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