Making Friends with a Guy You Don’t Know
Talk to his friends. Boys can get lonely or alienated easily, especially if their friends begin to mock them. By making friends with his friends, you show that you are part of his network and can be trusted. Learn about their dynamic and find out how you would fit into their circle. Try to be genuine when you do this. Most people can tell if you are faking interest in order to get something that you want.
Start a club. Whether it’s a book club, microbrew club, or movie club, share an interest with him. Invite others to join your club or keep it just the two of you. Be careful not to make it seem like a date if you’re just beginning your friendship. Your club can meet once a week or once a month. You basically want to share an activity together to strengthen your friendship bond but you don’t want him to feel suffocated.
Find a new hobby. Keep yourself occupied. You don’t want your life to revolve around your friendship with him. Plus, whether he shares your interest or not, a new hobby will give you something to talk about. Take a class. Study something that you’ve always been interested in so that you won’t become bored.
Volunteer when you can. Giving back to your community will give you a sense of well-being. It’s attractive to know that someone is selfless and looking to do some good. He may also want to participate or be inspired to find his own volunteer opportunities. See if your school offers any outreach or community service opportunities. Volunteer at places that interest you. This will help the guy learn more about what you like. Great places to volunteer include animal shelters, senior homes, and soup kitchens.
Enjoy sports. It’s fairly obvious that boys enjoy watching and playing sports. You don’t necessarily have to enjoy the same teams or sports as he does. Enjoying your own team or sport would also be interesting to him. Guys enjoy arguing over their favourite players or watching a game together. Find something about the sport that you enjoy and focus on that. You don’t need to know every detail but you do need to actually enjoy the sport.
Burp when you want. Guys think that bodily noises are hilarious. It may be fun for you to see how far you can push your own gross boundaries. Don’t be self-conscious just follow the standards set by the rest of the boys. Challenge him to a belching contest and crack the same type of jokes that his male friends do. The tired myth that girls don't have bodily functions, or can't be funny or gross or clever, is outdated and even harmful when it comes to relationships between men and women. Show him that you're not a strange, weird being — you're a person, just like him, and you can be comfortable around each other and simply be yourselves.
Go to happy hour. If you are of age, this is a good opportunity to get to know him in a social setting. Invite your friends and tell him to invite his. It’s a cheap and fun social gathering that is a far cry from a date. If you are traveling by car, remember to have a designated driver for each party.
Reassess your view of guys. Don’t assume that guys and girls can’t be just friends. It’s easy to think about gender stereotypes but view him as an individual with his own ideals about friendship. You should be able to have different perspectives about things while still enjoying each other’s company. Learn about the guy's, and if you find any that match up with yours, mention them! For example, both of you could be into baking or comic books.
Understand that guys do see the potential for romance. Studies have shown that guys do think about having a romantic relationship with their female friends if they were given a chance. It may seem discouraging at first not to get the romantic attention but time may be on your side. A guy may not find a girl attractive at first but as time passes and he gets to know how smart, funny, and relatable she is, that girl becomes more attractive.
Avoid applying pressure. Studies show that both girls and boys get teased by peers to turn a platonic friendship into a romantic relationship. Don’t feel obligated to do something you’re uncomfortable doing. Be open with your friends and let them know that their teasing and pressure is hurtful. Boys may get mocked more by their friends for having female friends who aren’t prospective girlfriends. Friendship is not seen as masculine because it means that a boy must make himself vulnerable and confide in you.
Suppressing Your Feelings
Hide your true emotions. If he tells you about his latest crush or what’s going on in his relationship, be supportive. You are a friend first and foremost. Focus on your hope for a romantic relationship. The worst that can happen is that you have a really close friend who you can happy for. For example, if he talks about his crush, don't start dissing her or talking smack about her. This won't out you into a good light.
Don’t lose your self-control. Having desire is fine, but acting on your emotions may lead to trouble. Make sure you have a firm grasp of how he feels before you put yourself out there or you may lose a good friend. Don't ask him to be your boyfriend right off the bat. Get to know him better and find out whether or not he likes you first.
Prepare for awkwardness. A lot of TV shows and movies portray romance between friends as being an embarrassing mistake or an awkward situation. If you don’t make the transition correctly, that very well might be the case. Keep positive that your friendship will survive any fling. If there are romantic feelings, awkwardness will be inevitable unless one of you addresses how you feel about the other person. Awkwardness is normal, especially if someone is shy or inexperienced. Be patient, calm, and understanding. Don't get frustrated.
Go out in groups. You don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. People may ask if you’re a couple when they see you alone together. Limit the time you spend alone in public together. Try to include other people when you can. Movies are fine but eating together may be questionable and get people talking.
Prepare for honesty. Boys can be brutally honest so be prepared for blunt opinions and harsh comments. For example, if you ask a boy how you look you may not appreciate his true opinion. Don’t make this a one way street. If he is brutally honest with you, you may be brutally honest with him. Put him at ease and let him know he can trust you like any of his male friends.
Avoid affection. Don’t give in to temptation and give him a hug or rest your head on his shoulder. If you get too touchy-feely you may give yourself away. Don’t blur the lines between boyfriend and friend. Wait until you’re ready and sure of yourself or you may make him defensive. For example, don't try to make-out with him before you know how he feels about you. Even if he does like you back, you have to make sure that he is comfortable with it.
Don’t ask or give dating advice. Boys don’t talk about the details of their romantic lives the way girls do so don’t expect him to open up. Don’t talk about your own romantic relationship because if he does have feelings for you, he will become confused. Keep the conversations platonic. If you tell him about your romantic life he may think that you only see him as a friend. If he’s seeing someone you may automatically judge her and bad-mouth her. Don’t deny him a chance at romance. Don’t make him choose between her or you.
Avoid acting like his girlfriend if you’re not. Avoid doting on him or flirting, especially if you guys are not officially a couple. Let him know when he’s being a jerk or acting inappropriately. Compliment him when he’s being a friend and scold him when he’s not. Acting like you are his girlfriend may also annoy him. He may see you as clingy and possessive, and he may try to avoid you as a result. Even if he flirts back with you, don't make assumptions. If you aren't sure whether or not you are a couple, ask him and respect his answer.
Don’t take advantage of his vulnerability. If he’s going through a crisis in his life like a breakup or death in the family, don’t try to leverage his emotions into a romantic relationship. He will feel taken advantage of and angry. Unlike girls, boys may be flattered to learn that a female friend likes them. Girls may be upset and sad because trust has been lost.
Avoid comparison. Don’t compare yourself to another girl that he likes or his current girlfriend. This will lead to a lot of anxiety and frustration. Don’t act like a jealous girlfriend when you are only friends. Don’t change who you are because you think that will win him over. You can’t make him fall in love with you. Save your dignity and be yourself.
Never assume. Don’t try to convince yourself of something that isn’t there. He may tell you that he loves you but only as a friend. He may also say that he can see himself with you but only as a remote possibility and not at this second. Save yourself from embarrassment. If he already has ambiguous relationships than he may “want to have his cake and eat it too”. Be certain that he doesn’t have another romantic interest or a serious girlfriend.
Making Your Move
Read the signs. Has he introduced you to all his friends and stopped talking about other girls around you? Does he want to spend more alone time with you and plan out activities that resemble dates? There are a number of signs that he may be giving off so pay attention. Does he continually make it clear that he’s single and often give scenarios where the two of you are dating? His body language may change and he may be more touchy feely than usual. He may also start acting like your boyfriend or ask questions to probe about how you’re feeling about him.
Make sure you both know what you want. What may seem obvious to you may seem vague and confusing to him. You need to have a crystal clear idea of your friendship and whether romance is the next logical step. It’s okay if you discover that this isn’t a good idea. You don’t want to lose a friendship by trying to force a relationship.
Tell him how you feel. If you don’t want him to think of you as one of the boys or just a temporary fling, let him know how you feel. Be direct and completely honest. Open communication is key. Be honest because any type of relationship that you want to preserve won’t last if the truth is ever found out. Being honest with yourself can also help you manage expectations.
Tell him if you’re going to pursue someone else. You can’t protect his feelings or your own. Letting him know that you have a romantic life might get him to clue about his feelings for you. Don’t be vague and don’t allow him to be vague about any intimate encounters. You need to be truthful about your current sexual activities because if you move from friendship to something physical, you want to make sure that you’re safe from any STDs.
Be honest. Laugh it off if he doesn’t return your feelings. The longer you hold in your feelings, the harder it will be to continue being a true friend. You don’t want to begin a friendship or a romance with a lie. Respect his reply. Don't try to force him to like you. The more you pressure him, the more likely you'll push him away.
Prepare for the aftermath. If you plan to cross from friendship into something more, anticipate the possibilities. Depending on the dynamics of your friendship, you may receive a variety of possible reactions. He may feel flattered, embarrassed, angry, or amused. Again, respect his answer. If he is angry, then this is probably a sign that a friendship would not have worked out. If he is flattered or amused, this is not a bad sign--give him time to process the information and don't pressure him to return your feelings.
Be patient. If you put yourself out there and are initially rejected, let time take its course. If he is a true friend he will support you, listen to what you have to say, and have your best interest in mind. He won’t hurt you and if he does, you’ve dodged a bullet because he wasn’t worth being your boyfriend or having you as a friend. If he rejects you, you may have to back off for a while and give him some space. Continue being his friend, but don't try to be his girlfriend, especially if he doesn't want it.
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